Speed Dating
Today, speed dating is becoming increasingly popular, trendy and fun.
Why?
Due to the concerns about the falling fertlity rate in many advanced Asian countries, it is gaining popularity in China, Japan, Korea, Singapore and Hong Kong too. Also, in our modern society, more single people are working longer hours, leaving less time for socialising. Speed dating fulfills that lack of socialising time and at the same time broadens your social network.
What is speed dating?
The basic idea is that an equal number of men and women attend a venue; each person spends between 5 and 10 minutes chatting to each member of the opposite sex, and then decides which people they would like to see again. The organizers facilitate an exchange of details if there is a match.
I managed to download a video from Stomp which illustrates a scenario of a speed dating. Watch what happens during the speed dating with masks event at Traders’ hotel.
During conventional speed dating events, first impressions are usually based on appearance and looks. "People are initially attracted to someone, based on their looks" says the experts. However, in this particular speed dating event, the need to put on masks removes that element. This is good because it prevents the dates to be based superficially but other alternatives such as personaility and style will be taken into consideration as part of first impressions.
This week's com's lesson focused on two types of communication.
1. Interpersonal communications
2. Communication in Relationships
From here, you can see interpersonal communication being utilized in the conversations between 12 men and 12 ladies. Messages are exchanged within a certain time limit and one must select their words properly in order to impress the other party. According to Knapp Model of Relational Development, this process can be catergorized under stage 1 (Initiating) and stage 2 (Experimenting).
And if both parties are rather impressed with one another and feel that there might be a spark or chemistry between them, they may want to proceed further in their relationship which takes them further to a stage 3(Intensifying), stage 4(Integrating) and stage 5(bonding).
On another note, some people stereotype people that turn to speed dating in search for a possible partner tend to be single, CMI(cannot make it) and desperate.
How much do you agree with this?
If you are given an invitation to attend a speed dating event, will you show up? (Assuming that you are single!)
And if you do, will appearance be of importance to you when you meet new people?
posted by Matthew at
7:58 AM
9 Comments:
Speed dating-such an interesting concept. Of course to most, speed dating is a form of desperation because when a person cannot find someone, he/she seeks help in other ways to fulfill his desperation. But is that really the case? Do people actually 'resort' to this just because of desperation?
I think having that generalization is to a certain extent justifiable. I mean after all, why would a person go for a speed-dating session when he/she can go out with other people they know right? But having said that, each and everyone one of us has a limit to our social networking. Perhaps a friend of a friend. Maybe one or two links more, and thats the end of the network. But by attending a session such as this, you are open to a new group of friends to network with, and no obligations of, ''oh this is Mr. so-and-so's friend. I better not say anything that might embarass him.'' Meeting a friend-of-a-friend or a date set up by a friend has its own obligations that one has to fulfill. But a session like this does not. So to answer the question of, ''do people join sessions such as these just out of desperation?'', my answer to that would be a likely, no.
Assuming I am single, attending sessions such as these actually proves beneficial for a person, in this case, me. The most obvious thumbs-up for me would be being able to broaden my spectrum of social networking; friends. But also, sessions like these can also help me to test separate personalities. I personally have always been curious about how a person would react to me if their first impression of me was different. Say i showed up to a date with 3 lip-piercings. Or perhaps be more quiet rather than the extrovert I am. Sessions like these give me an opening to test separate 'personalities' to find which would suit me best.
Will appearance be of importance to me. Appearance is definitely something that everyone looks at when it comes to meeting for the first time. In this case of speed-dating, I think its the perfect idea to wear masks for one reason; reading the person's inward beauty. I believe that the underlining factor to successful marriages is the ability to accept the person's inward beauty of who the spouse really is on the inside. Often times, I have met people who're all smiles only to uncover a dark secret that weights them down so much, they have lost their will to carry on, I myself being one of them. Also, there're times when I've met people who're quiet and an introvert at first glance, but're really very outgoing and different when approached.
Is speed dating something to be laughed at, or something to be embraced? Surely, I believe in the latter. Perhaps I might consider joining one of those sessions one day =]
p.s.
Another interesting topic Mr. Millionare! Do keep it up! I shall visit in a few days again (:
Interesting post. Speed dating is an innovative idea to let singles meet new people. Over the years, it has evolved, improved alot. Happy to see that. However, it has never occured to me to attend one of this session. Maybe once just for fun? But for looking for a partner, nope its just not for me.
of cause, appearance plays a huge role when meeting new people. not only one's looks, but how one dresses. like they say, first impressions last forever. this is true to certain extent. when meeting new people, obviously i would prefer to meet more attractive people. who wouldn't? however, as time goes by, physical appearance would not be such a huge factor as it was at the first meeting. and no, i would not go for any speed dating. don't ask me why. just do not really like the idea of it. but who knows? if i'm single 10 years down the road, dont be surprised if you see me there. =)
i think speed dating and matching making is often being mixed up although the difference is only a thin line.
i'd admit i still habour that stereotype idea that people who go for such events are pretty desperate.
if the reason of attendance is to meet people, and your own social network just isnt enough, why not go to a friend's party and do so? free of service charge. (where it might or might not be intentional to meet your other half)
However, this event in particular makes more sense than the usual routine. how much can you get to know someone in 10 minutes?
worst still, affected by their looks. you would probably take half the time away trying to get over the person being drop dead gorgeous or drop dead hideous. (of course average looking is another possibility)
other than the excuse to "try something new", i dont see how speed dating helps in anyway. especially those who go repeatedly.
its just like gambling. (money involved too for the service)
but since its getting so popular, i guess there has to be a valid reason that outsiders(who've never tried) would never understand.
Interesting choice of topic yet being able to apply what you've learnt from your communications lesson.
Based on your entry, you mentioned some people stereotype people that turn to speed dating in search for a possible partner tend to be single, CMI(cannot make it) and desperate.
My response to that would be I do agree to it to a large extent. However, these people who stereotyped the speed dating participants tend to think of them being desperate as the main factor. Who would go for such dating scheme if he/she was already attached or married?
If I was given an invitation to attend a speed dating event, I will show up but with a group of friends being involved as well! I think it's definitely interesting and it'll be something that me and my friends can talk about even after the speed dating is over. If my partner happened to be one of the participants and my friend has some impression on her, whether good or bad, at least as a group we can still communicate. Many of my friends, when they begin in relationship, their partner seems rather distant from us whenever we go out, no common topic nor ideas of their partner's background etc, which may in turn becomes a bad impression. Hence why not having my group of friends join me for speed dating?
Appearance is a bonus. Personally I feel inner beauty is something which will last longer and keep a relationship going. However, it is a first impression impact which will last hence it is important that the speed dating participants should dress up smartly and appropiately. They have to put in effort in their personal grooming for a good impression to be made to the speed dating participants.
Lastly, I feel speed dating are highly recommended for those task-oriented personnels as they lack the time and still being single yet have to find a suitable partner. It is definitely a tough decision to make when you are unable to find time to understand and discover the inner beauty of your life-time partner.
i guess the timelimit for the event is so short that one truly has to base his or her judgement on first impressions to tell what kind of person they are talking to. thus choosing people based on first impressions can be justified to a certain extent.
also, by participating such events, one can get to know different people from all walks of life. if all friends were to be of the same type of people holding the same jobs with the same life changing events, where is the diversity in perspective and experience? the diversity allows one to gain more insight into the world and this society. take for example a housewife and an I.T. professionel career woman exchanging tips on housechores and what to look for when purchasing a laptop. networking is essential and key when it comes to lifelong peer-to-peer learning.
lastly, i feel that stereotypes on these events may arise from the name of the event itsel - speed dating. the word 'speed' may represent the rush to getting to know as many people as possible in this short stipulated period as one can no longer leave the chance of meeting new people to chance alone or feels that in life, time is running out. the word 'dating' may represent the desire to find a lifelong partner or significant other. after all, we mostly date so that we can get to know someone better and find out if there is a chance to advance together as couples or further more before deciding to do so. as such, the name of the event may very well create pre-conceived notions (maybe like the rush to find and the desire for a significant other before its too late to get married or be left on the shelf.) for the event itself, let alone the people who participate it the event.
The concept of men and women during the speed dating sessions wearing mask has its pros and cons.
firstly, wearing a mask hides the appearance of men and women there. knowing that their appearance would not be judge, it allows them to feel more comfortable as they meet new people and may strike conversations easier this way.
but it may backfire. some superficial people who may not look good themselves, go for looks and hoping to find a "prince charming" through speed dating. it may hurt the other party if they were to give him/ her a cold shoulder after they have stripped off their masks. that would totally suck.
I do not agree that only desperate and CMI people goes for speed dating. Awhile ago on the papers, it reports about how more and more younger and good looking people are going for speed dating to look for their other half, or just to look for a new friend. Reason being that they are so busy with their work that they do not have anytime to meet new people. speed dating was their alternative to meeting new people.
Lastly, knowing that more people are going for speed dating because they are so busy with work and have no time to socialise with others, this may lead to more single people. Thus lesser babies and a larger ageing population. Bosses should cut down on the work that they are giving employees so that they can socialise and have more babies. It's a cycle.
Have a great day! :D
Interesting topic you've chose to discuss on once again, (:
Well, in the defense of those who go for "speed dating", seriously, I don't think it's a matter of CMI (cannot make it) or not. Sometimes these people are just too caught up with their miserable life of work that they just don't have time to socialize. It's not their fault that the society is this demanding right? HAHA!
But nonetheless yes, I think that a lot about a relationship is based on first impressions which usually has it's link to appearances.
The appearance is the physical attraction but, people do find more than what it is to physical attraction. (unless it's for a one-night-stand) haha! but, other than that, I believe compatibility is important. Imagine living your life with a absolutely beautiful girl whom you can't stand the habits of? something somewhere is bound to go wrong.
haha, just my one cent of opinion, looking forward to your next post! (:
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